so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
