i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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