So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
