dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if only i could text you this smell
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize