thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
