We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All the doctor said was why
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
