when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
