Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize