When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
