it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize