I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
