Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
