I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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