Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize