I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
