so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
