we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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