I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Randomize
