the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
