a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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