Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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