i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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