do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
