You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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