if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
