I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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