i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
