My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
