My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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