is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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