Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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