Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
