At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
