I bet he comes in French.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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