is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
