a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In America we eat man semen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
