she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
