Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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