when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize