I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
