guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize