I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
