you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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