is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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