I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize