I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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