In the future we'll all be gay
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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