2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
