You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
