Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize