I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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