I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
