Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize