my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
