She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
