He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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