My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
