I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
