just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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