No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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