another moral hangover. fuck.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
love makes seman taste better
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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