She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
