I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I party with great urgency now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
