now i know why i became what i already was.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
