well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
