i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize