The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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