life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
