dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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