WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
